i had to say it
by David Calogero Centorbi
And it raised more than a few eyebrows, almost all the right ones, except, well, yours.
I was not expecting that.
I thought, oh dear, if me saying, it will always be Mahler, ruined my chances for coffee and pastries at some, never Starbucks, hideaway cafe with you…
“Then Mahler will have to go,” your voice rang through the hall.
Out of some sudden desperation, I replied: “Sorry. But I'm sure I can share you, especially if you keep wearing those black CK tank tops so I can see your cracked-heart, flaming fin, Virginia Slim smoking, Mermaid sleeve.”
Oh, that look—I realized I gave you the upper hand by saying that.
But you simply said, “Sharing is not enough. I want it all.”
So I said: “Then you must fall in love with the number 9 and the word Ersterbend, and believe that sometimes when my heartbeat slows and that dreamy silence comes over my face, I am not miming my death shroud, I’m just trying to look beyond the setting sun…Haha, Gotcha,” I said, hoping for an entertained smirk. Which didn’t come. So I continued. “No, really, what I’m trying to do is to see how poetically sexy I can be, so, if you come back to my place, and before we make love...maybe? But for sure after, you will sit with me and listen—and be honest, tell me if you agree or not, because how can any love affair survive without honesty, and it's not my kink, but please, put brutally in front of honest—why I think, when it comes to Mahler's 9th Symphony, to really hear and understand it, you must start with: Bruno Walter, and the Vienna Philharmonic; then, Leonard Bernstein and the Berlin Philharmonic; then, Claudio Abbado and the Lucerne Festival Orchestra; then, Jonathan Nott and the Bamberg Symphony Orchestra; then finish with Roger Norrington and the Stuttgart Radio Symphony Orchestra. And maybe, just maybe, if we agree on that, you can have my heart on Friday nights and Saturday Brunch, but, I am so sorry, the rest of the week my heart belongs to M.”
“I Had To Say It” is a piece that takes some of its inspiration from an essay by Tom Service, July 2014, in The Guardian. “Symphony Guide: Mahler’s Ninth.”
David Calogero Centorbi is a writer that in the 90's earned an MFA in Creative Writing from the University of Arizona. Now, he is writing and working in Detroit, MI.
He is the author of:
LANDSCAPES OF YOU AND ME, AlienBuddha press.
AFTER FALLING INTO DISARRAY, Daily Drunk Press.