Major Perk

By Jason Sebastian Russo

You: [pre-birth] will it hurt?

Angel: you can't imagine.

You: will the worst part be the goodbyes

Angel: plus foreknowledge of them

You: will all the ways I ignore it make it worse

Angel: exponentially.

You: pass.

*

You: but what of pleasure

Angel: major perk.

You: how will I know I'm feeling it

Angel: pain will teach you.

You: hard pass.

*

You: I'll have to pursue happiness?

Angel: it's complicated.

*

You: will I get to think about myself?

Angel: as much as you like.

You: but so will everyone else?

Angel: as much as they’d like.

You: how does that math even work?

Angel:

You: forget it.

*

You: will I seek comfort in arbitrary fictions?

Angel: without fail.

You: will I panic halfway through?

Angel: it's practically a cliché.

You: will I attempt to turn the ship around 

& head back to shore?

Angel: it's kind of hard to watch.

*

You: will I have primitive emotions?

Angel: basically.

You: will I be surrounded by medieval institutions?

Angel: sadly.

You: will I have access to advanced technology?

Angel: in the palm of your hand.

You: tempting.

*

You: everyone I love will die?

Angel:

You:

Angel:

You:

Angel: it’s worth it.

*

You: can I come back?

Angel: depends.

You: may I think about it?

Angel: no rush.

*

You: will I think I’m someone specific

Angel: it’s kind of cute.

You: suffering is non-negotiable?

Angel: literally nothing works without it

You: will I feel guilty for what I am?

Angel: most do.

*

You: will I get to laugh?

Angel: you'll have to.

*

You: will I figure it out?

Angel: toward the end.

*.

You: will I be full of vague longing?

Angel:

You: that nothing on earth can satisfy?

Angel: how else will you find

your way home? 

———

Jason Sebastian Russo is a writer, composer, and artist based in Brooklyn and central New York state. His work appears in The Nervous Breakdown, Hobart, Forever Magazine, New World Writing, and beyond. He has toured and recorded with Mercury Rev, Pete International Airport, and Hopewell, among others. Find samples of his work on jasonsebastianrusso.com and follow him on Twitter: @retsoor